If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
