I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
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I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
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You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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