After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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