So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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