ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
