My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
