I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize