How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
