you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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