You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
