i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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