I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
