Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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