I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist