Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
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Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
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How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
soo... how was my night?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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