Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday