i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.