I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.