I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?