I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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