I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
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I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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