so that wasnt chicken after all
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
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I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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