So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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