I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"