just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt