He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.