I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
a search helicopter?!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.