First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
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this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important