If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.