All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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