i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
