i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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