dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
