i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize