I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
