so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
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He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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