its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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