I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.