The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.