There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.