I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..