Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.