I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
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speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.