Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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