So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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