My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
