I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
