Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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