there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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