So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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