ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
