I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
