sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
