its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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