so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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