Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment