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pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
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