Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it