I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me