I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
