Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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