I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
