life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize