I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize