I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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