we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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